Monday, August 1, 2011

My Husband Wears Mom Jeans

So there!  I said it. My husband wears "Mom Jeans" and seems to be confused that I don't find them...uhm...attractive!?
What are Mom Jeans you ask?  Well, I define them as jeans you should have given up wearing a while back,  but you can not seem to let them go because they are so damn comfortable and  'broken in' after years, months, days and hours of wearing.  They render  you momasexual, ( a mom with no sex appeal) less desirable, but prove to be functional, particularly when chasing boys around the park while talking on your Iphone. They tend to sit high on the waist and taper at the legs, falling just short of what could be considered 'flooding'.  They give your view from the rear an appearance less than attractive but more flat and unbelievably wider than normal.   I think it is safe  to say,  that if you purchased them more than two years ago, they probably fall at the top of what one would considered as bonafide "Mom Jeans".
Fortunately, I tend to buy jeans that are  long and boot cut. Most appropriate for wearing with a stiletto, high-heeled boot or wedge sandal. The husband on the other hand...let's just say he does not have as many options nor is he as fashion conscious.  Why does wearing "Mom Jeans" pose such a problem? Well, the Urban Dictionary has nine different definitions of "Mom Jeans" none of which I would want used to define my outfit of choice.  But how do I get the hubby to agree that "Mom Jeans" on him or me are a definite no-no? Even President Obama took a great deal of heat for his fashion choice.  Swagger or no swagger, just say no!

One of nine definitions:
jeans highlighting the flat curvature of the 40+ buttocks. Similies: upside-down-heart shaped-butt. Commonly seen aacompained with front butt. Extremly high waist, and always a crappy shade of blue or black. Usually found in Kohl's or Mervyn's

It's late afternoon, the boys scream to go to the park.
It's hot, I'm tired and it is starting to get dark,
In the car, kids, cups, balls and bikes,
The trip from the car seems more like a hike.
Running, jumping, screaming they play,
I try my best to stay out of their way.
Push me. No! Push me. Me first, me too,
How much is a mom expected to do?
I cook, I clean, I even sing, running here, there, every where,
I love, I scold, showing how much I care,
but wearing mom jeans---I would not dare!

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